Would you ever stop using
social media? What if it was for a good reason, would you then? Maggie decided
to stop for a unique reason. Like most teenagers, Maggie used social media a
lot. Social media was something that made Maggie jealous of other people and
their accounts. Mostly because of how many followers, likes, etc. that those
other accounts had. Maggie then realized that it shouldn’t be about the followers or the like, it
should be something fun for her to do. So, she decided to stop using social
media.
Maggie and her sister got close after that, but it wasn’t
that way before. Maggie and her sister Marriah weren’t so close. The three year
difference made it hard to see each other. But once finally being in the same school
and getting know each other more Maggie realized that Marriah was fun to be
around. They could relate to more personal things than friends could ever talk
about.
I like the idea of the article and the message but I think you need transitions. To carry a story it needs transitional phrases to make it flow. Otherwise it's good.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think that you could Branch out with this topic a little bit more. Some people take this very seriously. Even though I do not use social media, I think that you made a very good choice on your news topic.
ReplyDeleteReally interesting angle. As a reader I want to know if there is a connection between Maggie's relationship with her sister and quitting social media. It's kind of suggested but not clearly explained.
ReplyDeleteI think this was well written, but i do agree with Areigna, you need transitions. I think that the subject of social media is very relatable and it made me want to continue reading just because i wanted to, not because I had to lol.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting topic but it doesn't flow very well and it feels you just jump to topics instead of transitioning into them.
ReplyDeletei feel like you could of had better transitions and if you gave a little more descriptions on how much closer they got. Otherwise its a really good profile.
ReplyDeleteOverall I think you captured the information I gave you pretty well. I think you could have went a little more into depth about the relationship I have with my sister Just one other tiny thing- I don't think I remember saying the accounts made me jealous? haha. I think I described the feeling more as something that is not necessary. I shouldn't have been spending as much time worrying about others and their social media accounts etc. I do really like this though, I think you set it up well!
ReplyDeleteThis is really good and I feel as though everyone should try doing this, it would make the world a better place.
ReplyDeleteI feel like the story you have written is interesting, but the two different paragraphs seem very different to me and they don't really tie into each other at all. I noticed a few spelling/grammar errors, but those could just be fixed by reading through it again. Overall, nice job!
ReplyDeleteThis topic is interesting because personally, I use social media a lot .This may sound sad but I'm not sure what our society would be like without it. It's how we communicate and connect to other outside of real life.But, you are right when saying it does create a lot of drama and jealousy. I would like to see better transitions and more detail about her experience with social media. I like hearing about other peoples opinion on social media, so good topic!!
ReplyDeleteI liked how you opened up this piece by asking a question, and then by using it to flow into the profile. There are a few grammatical errors that can be easily smoothed out. Also, maybe use some transitions so that the paper will flow better and make a little more sense. But, overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.
ReplyDeletethis was greeeeeaat, however i feel there could have been more detail. The topic was interesting and you don't see very many people doing this
ReplyDelete