What is going on?
https://www.kcrg.com/content/news/Three-repeat-dealers-from-Waterloo-sentenced-to-prison-498336361.htmlShould parents be worrying about letting there teenagers go to school? Three drug dealers were took into custody on October 16th. Evidence shows that seven men were caught working with other men to sell cocaine and crack cocaine in the Waterloo area. When first reading this article the first thing that popped in my head was,"Will this spread to Cedar Rapids?" Most likely it has already but we don't actually see it. Teens and maybe even younger people are doing drugs.....at school.....at home, this is just making a very serious issue even bigger. How can parents know there child will be safe? I believe we need to take better action on this kinds of things happening. Yes, I understand that drugs are already illegal and are only supposed to be used for medical purposes however, that has not stopped kids from getting drugs yet. What can we do to make are areas safer? How do we make these rules stronger?
I feel like your news story is kind of all over the place. It starts with asking if parents should worry about their kids when they go to school, the jumps completely to drug dealers. It seemed very sudden to me. Then later in the article it jumps to students doing drugs at school. Your news story ends with talking about drugs being an issue and how we can prevent kids from getting drugs. I feel like you could work on your flow a bit more, and tie one idea into the next with transition words and phrases.
ReplyDeleteI think this is an interesting topic to cover. I'd like to see you zoom in and maybe spend a bit more time on each section. You could possibly organizing the piece into paragraphs and it'll help you see where you need to elaborate. I noticed a few grammatical errors but they can be quickly fixed. The piece definitely has potential!
ReplyDeleteThe topic of your story is very good but the writing feels a bit jumpy and im not sure where you're trying to take it, you don't focus on much and instead you jump into another thing. Slow down and maybe detail a few parts before heading into a new one.
ReplyDeleteThis was very jumpy and could have used transition, paragraphs, and some more detail. Maybe elaborate why drugs pose a problem at school, or why parents should worry about their child at their school.
ReplyDeleteI thought that this was an interesting topic to write about. However, I feel like this article kind of went all over the place, and had no real flow. I think you need to spend more time with explaining things more, so that the piece makes more sense.
ReplyDeleteYour article could have been separated and expanded, because right now it's all over the place. The topic is really important, but this article doesn't do it justice.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely jumpy and was a bit confusing at some points. I think that this is a good topic to write about, so keep on working!
ReplyDeleteI also thought the article was jumpy. Transitions are key! Also, you ask questions in the beginning and at the end of the response but you don't offer solution. I think that this could have been longer. But, this is a very important topic and I'm now interested! Keep writing!
ReplyDeletegood subject to write on because it is an issue but it didn't flow very well, but it was still an good article
ReplyDeleteI think that your points were good, but it was a bit jumpy.
ReplyDelete